Out

I've never needed anyone. Stories of my infancy are plaguing my mind as I sort through the cause of my divorce. I have been told that I never cried as a baby, that I simply yelped or sighed and waited. Time would pass and if no one came I would let out another sigh or yelp and wait, but I did not cry. Needing help from a world of "cry-babies" when you do not know how to cry is difficult at best, but add forty years to the equation and you find yourself trying to learn how to ask for help from tone def people. It is a curiosity to me how so many people have become so out of tune with seeing needs. I wait and I watch as I see the hurting everywhere I go, but I hear crying and whining from those being nurtured rather than from those whose pain is greater. I see a world we have evolved to sustain the criers rather than to discipline the spoiled. The hurt and lonely are cast out of our sight and kept from audible range. I am outed because I have not cried enough, I have not begged for help, I have not whined in order to be comforted. I am outed, I am broken, and I am cast aside, acquainted with sorrow, bearing the grief of the brokenhearted...Alone. I am.

Loving on the level

The author of confusion often uses the ones closest to us to disrupt our routine enough to bring out the worst in us. Being surrounded by so many who are intimately involved in your life does not make this less likely o happen, in fact it is where the corrupter of faith steps in with more agility to defile the sacred things of God. Perhaps you have had this happen to you in your ministry, or know someone who has experienced this in theirs, whatever the situation it is your responsibility to reach out in love trying not to give advice which only adds to the confusion, but to genuinely love and care for the individual who is hurting. The Samaritan bandaged the wounds and showed love...did not become a GPS for the wounded traveler, did not buy him a map with the alternate route highlighted, He showed love without showing superiority that is what the hurting truly need someone who comes to their level to partner with them. Don't be the GPS of the wrong route, the hurting do not need a satellite transmission we need a partner.

Communication

Perhaps it is our desire to communicate that has destroyed our ability to do it well. We live in an era of multiple communication techniques that have made the quick response the necessity of life. How many words per minute can you type, text, speak? how many words per minute do you consider? Communication availability has cheapened the very principle of relationships. When is the last time you planned on the conversation before dialing the number, sending the letter(email) or opening your mouth? Chances are that the concept of thought has as it has been with me in our instant age been thrown out of the daily conversation. Response is not what it is meant to be. Reaction to a word misunderstood or a quick response to what is going on in the world around us because in this day and age with all the communications coming to us the world is easily mistaken as revolving around the individual without us considering that the world in fact was designed to simply hold us as we circle the sun. Solar flares destroying lives are the communications we send out in quick responses whether friendly or not we do not encourage the intimacy of long distance calls and short term absences reuniting passions that have been longed for for so long. try this out in intimacy write a note, that takes you an hour to word it just right, write a letter that takes you a week to structure perfectly to show your heart not to get your point across. Speak the words of love in gentle tones and listen to the heart not the mouth of those who spin this rotation with you. God forgive me for not fellow-shipping with your creation as you created me for fellowship with You quite simply forgive me a sinner.

Blockage

Veterans paid the price and today we are supposed to pay them tribute, so as I sit to write these words no act of heroic valor comes from any soldier of the visible war, but the veterans of the spiritual wars are plaguing my thoughts. The commentators and dissectors of the word who taught and studied some till death to bring us the uncompromising good news of Jesus. It is to these veterans of the great spiritual battlefront that I recall the great sacrifices giving me freedom to write these words, to study the scriptures, to pray openly in the streets, and to share their work above my own and above any sacrifice at the end of a weapon of physical battle. To God be the glory of my freedom for He is the director of life and He alone is worth the worship adoration and honor thrown at the militant today.

My retirment account

I must report that my retirement account has not grown. I have been fully vested in it for nearly twenty-three years, but it has not changed. I have tried to add to it, but it would not grow; I tried having others add to it, but still no growth. I went to a counselor to see if there was something that I could do to make it better; regrettably, there is nothing that can be done he said that it was sufficient and that although at times it seems not to grow, that if I quit focusing on the results and start focusing more on my work for the granter of such a substantial account that the returns would be multiplied exponentially. I have no 401k, I have no earthly plans that could ever compare, but my retirement is simply the grace and good gift of God.. Eternal life, a place prepared for me by one who gave His life for my mess. My retirement is not like the advice of the world, it is not vested in moth and rust, it is put beyond the grave where my work will finally give way to His rest.

Trial by Fire (I Corinthians 3)

Burning my fields of gold as I sit numbly by watching the flickering flames light up the winter sky. Cold and alone feeling the pain of every seed I planted unto harvest as they dwindle now in the flames of His purifying heat. the soil will receive the nutrients of this burning field, but for all the work and vanity I put into these things my pains and my trials I feel the flames, not their warmth, but a painful burn as all the labor of my life is destroyed so that He can have His field back and I can join with workers to restore His will after my will is broken and burned and devoured. Twenty-eight days of fire left, then come in the land levelers, the tillers and the fertilizers, but that will be after the winter when spring is upon us once more. I await my Easter morning.

lashing out

Christ did it best! To calmly sit and wait for the ideal moment, to weave together not only the tool, but the path to restoration. We do not have that collective about our persons. Many times people have told and encouraged others that remaining calm and working out our mindset to build the bridge of restoration, but our puny human nature is not that of restoration. Rage and defensiveness come in overwhelming our higher moral judgment to the point where all bridges are burned. We do not allow the spirit of God our mediator the holy Spirit to find a way to turn the tables. We try turning our way, the opposition turns them their way, but letting the Spirit turn the tables is to ensure God's perfect will is achieved. Do you see Jesus outside the town as worshipers pas by to trade their goods, gossips, and complaints at the temple? The way mosaic law was written was not being followed, God's intent for man was far gone, the tables were about to be turned..over He took His time. How are our bargaining tables with God and with each other. Seems we have set them upright 2,000 years after Jesus' tantrum. We bargain time after time on the precepts of our religions. Turning the tables on each other for the merits of our offerings and the practices we observe in worship. Do you see Jesus outside our temples yet? Waiting! Braiding His whip. Are we gathered at the table rationalizing our actions in worship, in life, in spiritual growth? Here He comes!

Yeast

Why must the bread be unleavened and the wine be new? If we are to be pure we must not be infected by the world! Advice given to me nearly twenty-one years ago still rings true, "When you go out into that world, do not get any on you." I remember Majed telling me this as I was leaving California for the first time. I tried to understand it back then, but it is only now that this advice comes to reassure me. I have been "puffed up" with the yeast of the world; bloated with all of its comforts and prideful of 'my' accomplishments. Christians are strangers and aliens here, we need not entangle ourselves with these comforts and pleasures, these niceties and riches. Some of us may have the opportunity afforded us to enjoy on the occasion these things, but too often we pursue them to the extent of becoming covered with yeast, swelling up in our minds and in our bodies till like a sourdough we have so many holes in us we can never feel complete. All of this because as we are being molded we let the contaminate of this world fall upon us. Our Exodus is near passover meal must be readied and the leavening be taken out of our house. Recently I observed as a local church removed some of the last elements of leavening from my residence. I went to another church and they filled my residence more peaceable items for a more humble life. It is amazing to me how God works to correct us in our lives. There are only six things that are missing from this house now that I ever want back, but they are as they have always been, His. I am an old wine skin who is ready to be filled with His new wine till I am bursting at the seems spurting His wine upon all mankind. Use me Father keep me unleavened.

Losing heart

It is not a question of faith, but endurance. I have questioned peoples Faith many times and their responses are for the most part that they believe in God's eternal truth; He sent His Son, All who believe in Him will be saved, etc. The real question is do we as believers have the Staying Power? Are we merely in it for the good, or do we face the bad, the horrible times with a faith in His provision that brings Hope? Al of us are weak here. A tickle on our backs or an itch on our heads compared to what Christ endured and we turn tail and run abandoning the integral tenants of our faith, losing the glimpse of hope. Through this shipwreck I have learned to fight through these things. I have been called before the courts for my poor decisions and I must appear regardless of my beliefs in the matter. Off course by countless degrees and stranded in this foreign land where even those who claim kinship refuse the Kingdoms precepts. My request to the Supreme Chancellor and Author of my covenant is that He bequeaths to me full heart in these matters as I am losing what is left through this trial. Though these around me break with Him in harsh tones and actions, I pray that He keep me as Covenantially bound to His precepts. What I have done in attempting to survive and convince my kinsmen of their breaks from His will has only caused distress upon them and they have not returned to His allegiance, but I will not bow to this country, to the ways of this age nor to the heresy of this land. Lord give me strength to carry on, send good counsel I pray.